Saturday, April 09, 2005


I'm waiting for dreamweaver to finish downloading from K-Lite. K-Lite is good stuff, at least the version that I obtained. It's virus free and developed by some pretty cool people. Here's the link to their site. On it you can find links to various p2p (peer to peer works the way Napster and Kazaa do) and Bit-Torrent (kind of like Kazaa but more flexible in the way that it permits you to connect more servers) is the site. I helped my friends' parents move stuff out of his grandmother's dwelling. I seriously hate helping people move, but felt it my duty after they had been harboring me, feeding me, the past 2 weeks. Anyhow, my back is killing me now. There were times when I felt like just screaming at my friend's father. One of the many things I hate in life are people who tell others what to do in such a tone that it makes you want to just rip their fucking heads off. I wonder if smoking pot would help that at all. I never thought about that... We'll see. Right now it's definitely out of the question as I need to maintain a low profile and money in my pocket. Speaking of money... I went out with my friend's brother 2 nights ago to the city of Gent and got really drunk. I spent a lot of money (US $60) I know 5 went for a pack of cigarettes (Marlboro Lights) and the other 5 for a pita. I guess when people refer to self-destructive behavior that spending cash that you really shouldn't be spending on alcohol is such an indication. Trust me, if I could drink 7 nights a week, provided there was a crowd there to entertain and be entertained by, even if it meant I would have little cash the next day (except to go out) I would. I think drinking (especially Vodka-Red Bulls because they get me drunk and wired) allows me to hide in a different world. The more I drink the happier I get. Maybe it reminds of a time when I was happier, I don't know. I guess that's something to think about. On a more positive note I found the biggest-breasted girl in the bar and made out with her for a while. I've never been a boob man; that night compensated for that fact. Factoid... Seven more minutes to go until my download finishes. I t hink I'm gonna join the family for another beer. They drink beer several times a day here. I like that. I never really looked at my drinking and smoking as self-destructive behavior. However, even if that wasn't really considered self-destructive, I'm sure my drug use would qualify. Oh, but wouldn't we all like to know about that! Everybody drinks these days so I guess talking about drinking isn't interesting once you've reached the age of 16. But drugs, ooooh weeee!! I don't know. Many people have pointed out the fact to me that I drink way too much when I go out. But, don't a lot of people do that? Maybe they're all borderlines too. That means Miami is one hell of a BPD city then. I could understand why, when you think of all of the rotten bastards (yep, had some bad experiences there) that live there. It's such a beautiful city at night, though. Anyhow, I seem to have lost myself and gotten sidetracked.... Let's think..... Download.... Ah, now I remember: alcoholism and self-destructive behavior. The first time I even read the term "self-destructive behavior" I thought of wrist slashing. That's some fucked up shit right there. Alright, I thought I was gonna have to invite myself to a beer but I just got invited as the neighbor decided to pop his head in. I think talking about my problems might actually help. If not, well.... I don't know.


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