Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Got to Be Real

I'm jammin' to Cheryl Lynn's "Got to be Real" track right now. I realized today how much I dislike small plates. They are really useless tools. If you want more food you have to get more, big plates don't have that problem. Furthermore, small plates make you look like a mooch because you're getting up more often than you would have to were you eating on a full-sized plate. Found an interesting blogger (http://newyorkintern.blogspot.com); he fuhnee. My friend has a nephew who occasionally comes over to his parents' place (the place I come to every day and mooch off of their internet connection until I get things straightened out with my trans-Atlantic problems (remember, Marines?). It's pretty easy to get the kid riled up by contradicting whatever it is he says by shaking your head (this way there's no proof linking you to the situation). After 3 or 4 times of contradicting him he begins to scream rather loudly, good stuff.
Now, for more important things: I came across a BPD book and one its suggestions to cope with the whole "borderline" thing is to maintain consistency in your life (something I definitely never have had much of). I must admit that while I was on Parris Island things were pretty consistent in many ways and I felt much more normal then than I had in a long time, but don't get me wrong; Parris Island blows, man.
Ah, what else, I had a bunch of things I've been wanting to get off my chest here but can't seem to recall most of them. I could carry around one of them dictaphone things, but, eww, no!
Prior to leaving the US with my handy Toshiba laptop I didn't bring the recovery disk. I don't really know why. I knew I wasn't coming back, and I knew it had no place at my parents' place, but, I just didn't want to take it with me. I hate bringing extra shit wherever I go. But, of course, it's not like I'm a newbie with computers; I definitely know that a recovery disk is a must have. Perhaps I felt daring and didn't see the need to bring the recovery disk, who knows... I definitely have room in my cd case made for 48 cds. So, bien sur, one night I go to turn the laptop on and it tells me my config.sys file is corrupted.... I felt like a total ass. Especially because I could have even made a back-up disk without having the recovery disk. But no... I kept putting it off. This laptop does have cd-burning capabilities. Let's see, the last cd I burned was one that I and my friend could listen to while driving to the city to go out (a 1-hour drive).... So, I reinstalled Windows XP Pro (I had regular before that) on the same partition (dangerous, yes, I know) so that I could at least try to recover my files (mp3's and warez). It took me about 6 hours to transfer them from my laptop to another computer using a 512 Mb memory stick; needless to say, it sucked. After having salvaged all of my files I did a clean install of Windows XP Pro. Now, before you declare me lucky (something I hate people telling me) I installed the Dutch version of Windows XP Professional since it was the only cd I could get my hands on. I adjusted all of the regional and localized settings but I still have Dutch menus, file headers, descriptions, confirmations, and other files. Luckily (sometimes it's ok to say you're lucky) I can speak, read, and write Dutch fluently but it's still a pain in the arse having all of those things in Dutch as I have just grown accustomed to futsing around with Windows in an English environment. Not to mention, understanding the technical aspect of the Dutch language is something I am still vaguely acquainted with, meaning that I'm going to have to dedicate more energy to that than to scoping out chicks on members.msn.com

I can't wait... Baby, I can't wait... Tell me what is on your mind... (Nu Shooz "I can't Wait)

Gotta go, one of the beer-drinking neighbors is here, wuhuuu.

Saturday, April 09, 2005


I'm waiting for dreamweaver to finish downloading from K-Lite. K-Lite is good stuff, at least the version that I obtained. It's virus free and developed by some pretty cool people. Here's the link to their site. On it you can find links to various p2p (peer to peer works the way Napster and Kazaa do) and Bit-Torrent (kind of like Kazaa but more flexible in the way that it permits you to connect more servers) http://www.nsane.tk is the site. I helped my friends' parents move stuff out of his grandmother's dwelling. I seriously hate helping people move, but felt it my duty after they had been harboring me, feeding me, the past 2 weeks. Anyhow, my back is killing me now. There were times when I felt like just screaming at my friend's father. One of the many things I hate in life are people who tell others what to do in such a tone that it makes you want to just rip their fucking heads off. I wonder if smoking pot would help that at all. I never thought about that... We'll see. Right now it's definitely out of the question as I need to maintain a low profile and money in my pocket. Speaking of money... I went out with my friend's brother 2 nights ago to the city of Gent and got really drunk. I spent a lot of money (US $60) I know 5 went for a pack of cigarettes (Marlboro Lights) and the other 5 for a pita. I guess when people refer to self-destructive behavior that spending cash that you really shouldn't be spending on alcohol is such an indication. Trust me, if I could drink 7 nights a week, provided there was a crowd there to entertain and be entertained by, even if it meant I would have little cash the next day (except to go out) I would. I think drinking (especially Vodka-Red Bulls because they get me drunk and wired) allows me to hide in a different world. The more I drink the happier I get. Maybe it reminds of a time when I was happier, I don't know. I guess that's something to think about. On a more positive note I found the biggest-breasted girl in the bar and made out with her for a while. I've never been a boob man; that night compensated for that fact. Factoid... Seven more minutes to go until my download finishes. I t hink I'm gonna join the family for another beer. They drink beer several times a day here. I like that. I never really looked at my drinking and smoking as self-destructive behavior. However, even if that wasn't really considered self-destructive, I'm sure my drug use would qualify. Oh, but wouldn't we all like to know about that! Everybody drinks these days so I guess talking about drinking isn't interesting once you've reached the age of 16. But drugs, ooooh weeee!! I don't know. Many people have pointed out the fact to me that I drink way too much when I go out. But, don't a lot of people do that? Maybe they're all borderlines too. That means Miami is one hell of a BPD city then. I could understand why, when you think of all of the rotten bastards (yep, had some bad experiences there) that live there. It's such a beautiful city at night, though. Anyhow, I seem to have lost myself and gotten sidetracked.... Let's think..... Download.... Ah, now I remember: alcoholism and self-destructive behavior. The first time I even read the term "self-destructive behavior" I thought of wrist slashing. That's some fucked up shit right there. Alright, I thought I was gonna have to invite myself to a beer but I just got invited as the neighbor decided to pop his head in. I think talking about my problems might actually help. If not, well.... I don't know.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Who am I?

So, I guess most of you are wondering who I am and what I'm doing here. Perhaps some of you are also curious to know where I am actually located at the moment. Before you go on there is something you must know about this blog: it is a highly disorganized blog where the events descbribed will often not fall into a chronological order of any sort. I'm not quite sure as to why I'm putting up this blog. Perhaps it's to help myself cope, and maybe, just maybe, "cure" or treat my self-diagnosed BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I just got out of the Marines. Now, it's not like I'm a seasoned war veteran of any sort. I just completed training and subsequently got out before completing any more training. My name is David Estefan and this is my story... (insert Steven Spielberg/Hans Zimmer soundtrack music here).

me avec long hair Posted by Hello